The method
How we choose the words on every card.
Most of us know the feeling: you want to reach out, and you can’t find the words. Xiqu Cards gives you words that are short, specific, and kind, and that follow what psychology research suggests about how people feel when they receive them.
See, Say, Step
Each card is built from up to three small parts.
SeeNotice the person’s situation, without judging it.Big day?
SaySay what you honestly feel: thanks, pride, or simply that you’re there.Whatever happens today, I’m in your corner.
StepAn optional small next step, easy to say yes to.Text me after?
Not every card needs all three. A thank-you often needs only the Say.
What the research suggests
| Finding | Where you’ll see it |
|---|---|
| People underestimate how much a thank-you means to the person receiving it (Kumar & Epley, 2018). | Thank You cards that make it easy to say thanks for something specific. |
| Reaching out “just because” is appreciated more than we expect, especially after a long silence (Liu et al., 2023). | Thinking of You cards that need no reason and ask for no reply. |
| Quiet support that asks nothing back often helps more than obvious help (Bolger et al., 2000). | Hard Days cards that offer company instead of advice. |
| Answering good news with real interest strengthens relationships (Gable et al., 2004). | Celebrate cards that ask to hear the whole story. |
| Praising effort and choices protects children’s motivation better than praising talent (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). | Love & Pride cards that notice effort and kindness, not grades or looks. |
| Over-the-top positive self-talk can backfire for people who already feel low (Wood et al., 2009). Self-compassion is a steadier base (Neff, 2003). | For Me cards with believable, gentle words such as “I’m allowed to begin again today.” |
| A small, specific plan is easier to follow through on than a general intention (Gollwitzer, 1999). | Invitations like “Coffee soon? My treat.” |
| Putting a feeling into words can soften it (Lieberman et al., 2007). | Small Shifts cards such as “A feeling is a message, not a command.” |
| Taking time to notice small good things lifts mood (Bryant & Veroff, 2007). | Just Because cards. |
| Support from others helps buffer the effects of stress (Cohen & Wills, 1985). | The reason this site exists: to make support easier to say out loud. |
Each study has its own limits and settings. We use research to guide how cards are written. We never quote it on the cards themselves.
What we leave out
- Phrases that brush pain aside, such as “Everything happens for a reason,” “At least…,” or “Stay positive.”
- Promises about outcomes, like “You’ll definitely win.”
- Claims about energy, manifesting, or healing. A card can’t cure anything.
- Jokes about age, looks, or weight.
- Pressure to reply.
A card is not therapy
These cards are small kindnesses between people. They are not medical or psychological advice. If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out to a doctor, a counselor, or someone you trust. In the US or Canada, you can call or text 988 at any time.
References
- Bolger, N., Zuckerman, A., & Kessler, R. C. (2000). Invisible support and adjustment to stress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6), 953–961.
- Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
- Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
- Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228–245.
- Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503.
- Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2018). Undervaluing gratitude. Psychological Science, 29(9), 1423–1435.
- Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
- Liu, P. J., Rim, S., Min, L., & Min, K. E. (2023). The surprise of reaching out. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 124(4), 754–771.
- Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 33–52.
- Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
- Wood, J. V., Perunovic, W. Q. E., & Lee, J. W. (2009). Positive self-statements: Power for some, peril for others. Psychological Science, 20(7), 860–866.